The run up to my 34th,
yes 34th birthday!! is actually getting very painful. Its not the
looming signboard that says you are headed to 35 that’s bothering me!! Its not
the greys or the first tell tale signs of crows feet..
Maybe this happens earlier to
some and the other luckier FEW don’t have to feel like this at all. But all of
a sudden that thought which was so at the back of my head, seems to be making
way - up ahead. It keeps coming up like
that trigger or alarm that you set on your cell and when you are not so ready
you put it on snooze..that is exactly what I have been doing.
34 years is a long time, studied
well, studied well further..got a nice job, married, have a house, a sunshine
daughter and then..full stop. So my 34 years doesn’t sound very different from that
of the zillionth person. The worry is that every year I think that the next
year is going to be that BIG year in life – when something that I ‘do” and not
what simply comes upon me will make me rise from a sea of mediocrity to the
next level.
The seamless shift of years, only
makes the panic increase – only makes the gnawing question probe its way, right
to the surface – “What is my life about?”. Should I accept being mediocre? it isn’t
that bad! Why do I think I belong to the “what lies beyond mediocre” set?
As a kid I was always told - work
hard and the rest will follow, but that gap between me and whatever is
following only seems to be increasing. I often turn around, but haven’t caught
a glimpse of it yet..But I am a believer so I will keep walking, will look
around every now and then whenever I am low..and I am sure someday that “following”
is going to tap and walk with me shoulder to shoulder.
