What is it about birthdays..that makes you introspect

The run up to my 34^th, yes 34^th birthday!! is actually getting very painful. Its not the looming signboard that says you are headed to 35 that’s bothering me!! Its not the greys or the first tell tale signs of crows feet..

Maybe this happens earlier to some and the other luckier FEW don’t have to feel like this at all. But all of a sudden that thought which was so at the back of my head, seems to be making way -  up ahead. It keeps coming up like that trigger or alarm that you set on your cell and when you are not so ready you put it on snooze..that is exactly what I have been doing.

34 years is a long time, studied well, studied well further..got a nice job, married, have a house, a sunshine daughter and then..full stop. So my 34 years doesn’t sound very different from that of the zillionth person. The worry is that every year I think that the next year is going to be that BIG year in life – when something that I ‘do” and not what simply comes upon me will make me rise from a sea of mediocrity to the next level.

The seamless shift of years, only makes the panic increase – only makes the gnawing question probe its way, right to the surface – “What is my life about?”. Should I accept being mediocre? it isn’t that bad! Why do I think I belong to the “what lies beyond mediocre” set?

As a kid I was always told - work hard and the rest will follow, but that gap between me and whatever is following only seems to be increasing. I often turn around, but haven’t caught a glimpse of it yet..But I am a believer so I will keep walking, will look around every now and then whenever I am low..and I am sure someday that “following” is going to tap and walk with me shoulder to shoulder.